


made me feel much better (starts with L and it’s got four letters)

by callumsmitchells



Series: ballum week 2020 [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: (from 31st march), Fluff, Missing Scene, Mutual ILY, ballumweek2020, bw2020, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24605320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumsmitchells/pseuds/callumsmitchells
Summary: Ben has just told Callum he loves him for the first time, and neither of them were expecting it. How do they end up in bed, following this?or, a scene i’d wish we had seen.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: ballum week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778716
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	made me feel much better (starts with L and it’s got four letters)

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic for ballum week! over the course of this week, i’ll be uploading 7 fics 
> 
> tumblr: @callumsmitchells

The room was dark, dimly lit by the streetlights flooding in through the opened curtains, shades of oranges and browns providing the visibility. A lamp was also switched on, causing beams of yellowed light to project against the wall. It was the early hours of the morning, and Ben was perched on the floor in just shorts and a t-shirt, not caring about the cold. Presents were placed in front of him, some wrapped as close to perfection as it could for Ben, who had secretly watched videos on wrapping presents, knowing that he wasn’t good at it. 

Callum sat on the chair, his body just towering over Ben, not as prominent as it would be if they were both stood. His eyes were tightly shut, the childlike qualities in him not wanting to spoil his birthday presents that Ben had clearly put a lot of thought into, especially if he had woken up in the middle of the night just to wrap them. 

Ben sat, with his eyes stinging from straining to see things in the dark, focusing on Callum’s words. He couldn’t hear him, not really. All he could hear was a few sounds, barely less than a word, but he could lip read, to an extent. He focused on that, watching as Callum’s lips formed word after beautiful word, Ben’s mouth hanging open trying to process everything.

_Look, maybe you won’t be like this forever. Hopefully, the operation will work. But you are like this now, Ben. And if your dad don’t want to know, then he don’t deserve you, because who you are Ben, is amazing. Dealing with all of this, is amazing, and you are stronger than him – or Danny – can ever be. And yeah, you are deaf, yeah? And you might always be deaf, for the rest of your life. But that is okay. And if your dad can’t be there for that then, then I am._

Callum’s words swirled around Ben’s mind, and it suddenly hit him. Callum was willing to be with Ben, for the rest of his life, regardless of his ability to hear or not. He went light headed, his throat dry and without realising what he was saying – it was out there in the world. It was something that Ben had privately been thinking for a while now, but had oftentimes struggled to find the right words, or a suitable time to say it. It was terrifying, opening up his heart like that, especially after what had happened in his past. But suddenly, at this very moment, it felt right. It was as though the stars collided, and Ben’s heart quadrupled in size, overwhelmed with the emotions of Callum’s words. 

“I love you.” He had whispered, his voice low and dry and coarse. Suddenly, his heart started to beat tenfold, his mind finally comprehending what had just stumbled from his mouth. 

The words processed through Callum, and he slowly turned to face Ben, a skip in his heart, and a smile making its way to his lips as he finally opened his eyes, watching his boyfriend as his skin tingled with the words he had longed to hear. 

And then Ben tried to retract it, part of him still terrified that all of this was wrong. That Callum didn’t really love him. That Ben wasn’t worthy of anybody feeling that was towards him. Callum knew that it was difficult for Ben. He leaned down, tapping Ben’s arm to get his attention, and when Ben was looking back at him, Callum did it.

_I love you._

He had been wanting to do it for a while now, sign those words to Ben. He had found a video online, of someone who signed different phrases, and he spent a lot of time secretly practising it, and now he finally had the opportunity to show Ben just how much he meant to him, without words that Ben couldn’t hear.

Ben’s hands were pressed against Callum’s thighs, grabbing where he can. Callum’s hands were tangled in Ben’s hair as their lips connected in a passionate embrace. Emotions were heightened between them, Ben’s words playing around and around in Callum’s mind. 

He had finally said it. 

_I love you._

Ben bit down on Callum’s bottom lip, deepening the kiss. The clash of teeth was a price to pay in their passion for one another, and the tingling sensation that Ben left behind on every part of Callum’s skin was more than worth it. Callum pulled back, mainly to catch his breath, because he really wasn’t prepared for his boyfriend to launch at him full speed, but also to speak. His hands rested against Ben’s face, fingers still playing with his hair, twisting it between his fingers. 

“Do you really mean that?” He asks, voice low and unsure of himself. 

Light illuminated Ben’s face, a yellow glow cascading one half of his face, darkening the other as shadows formed. “More than anything.” He responded, smile growing on his face as he leaned forward, rocking on his knees to press a quick kiss to Callum’s lips. He pulled back, and for a moment, admired Callum’s face. His lips were blown out, wet and his cheeks were littered in a pink flush, his hair falling down and curling into his eyes. Ben stood up, knees cracking at the sudden change in position and he stretched his hand out, waiting for Callum to connect his hand to Ben’s own. When he did, Ben pulled at Callum’s arm, forcing him to his feet. 

“Where are we going?” Callum asked, a laugh in voice, smile spread widely across his face. 

Ben’s fingers locked in Callum’s. “It’s three in the morning. Bed.” 

“Have you finished wrapping my presents?” Callum asked.

“Nope.” Ben smiled. “You’ll just have to cope with knowing what they are straight away.”

Callum chuckled, and walked closer to Ben, who had now turned around, so his back was towards Callum. The eldest man pressed his body to Ben, wrapping his arms around him, chin placed on his shoulder. 

“Did you really mean it?” Callum asked again, when they climbed back in bed. 

Ben smiled, and pressed a hand to Callum’s waist, fingers creeping their way under his shirt, needing to touch Callum, properly. “Yeah. I’ve felt it for a while, and I didn’t think I’d end up saying it in the early hours of the morning, but.” He shrugged, and yawned.

Callum raised his hand, running his fingers through Ben’s hair, smiling as it curled around his ears. “Go to sleep.” He whispered, before leaning across the bed, gently pressing a kiss to Ben’s forehead. 

“It scares me.” Ben proclaimed gently, watching as Callum pressed his head to his soft pillow, getting comfortable in bed.

“What does?” Callum asked, fingers still threading through Ben’s hair.

Ben ran his fingertips across Callum’s skin, pushing their bodies closer together. “Missing things.” He started to explain. “I want to be able to hear you say you love me again. I miss that already. And what if the operation doesn’t work, and I start to forget what you sound like. I miss your laugh. And how you used to wrap your arms around me and whisper in my ear. I want that back Callum, more than anything.”

Callum smiles softly, thumb running across Ben’s lips. “I’ll never stop loving you. We’re still Ben and Callum, yeah? That won’t change. We’ll take every day as it comes, and we’ll get through it. I’ll be right by your side, at every appointment, through the operation, everything. I promise you the world, Ben Mitchell.”

The streetlights from outside streamed in through a gap in the curtains, fluorescent orange breaking up the darkness of the room. Callum breathed softly, wrapped around Ben, who had decided that the only way he was going to sleep was if his head was on Callum’s chest. Callum’s arms enveloped Ben’s body, one hand resting against one bicep, the one that Ben had flung across Callum’s body; the other alternating between Ben’s back, and his hair. Callum looked down, his eyelids heavy. Ben was fast asleep against his chest, no crease forming on his forehead, a blush across his cheeks from the heat. It was as though all the worries he held in the world, suddenly disappeared the second Callum held him. He smiled, and pressed a kiss to the crown of Ben’s head, before resting on his pillow, letting sleep overcome him.


End file.
